And now for a little whining

O.K., things are serious here. First of all, I'm not eating properly. I'm so sick of eating, period, of having to eat every three hours, of having to endlessly think of things to eat -- of not being able to think of anything new that I want to go to the trouble of preparing, so endlessly eating the same hamburger-patty-rice-green-vegetable, or pork-chop-rice-green vegetable, or baked-fish-rice-green-vegetable, or soup-with-turkey-sandwich meal -- endlessly going to the grocery store, cooking, cleaning up. So I've all but stopped doing it. Pretty much living on McDonald's double quarter pounders with-cheese-but-without-onions these days, with the occasional sausage and pepperoni pizza thrown in. I do like hamburgers and pizza, but obviously these are not good as a steady diet. Expensive, for one thing, add to the growing weight problem for another (also not good for your health, but I'm less concerned with that). Also consuming large amounts of cookies, bagels, candy, corn chips, and coffee, to keep my energy level up. For someone with hypoglycemia (actually, for anybody), not good.

Then there's my wrist, which has been hurting for over four months, without getting any better. I was also having problems with pain in my neck/right shoulder/arm, but the chiropractor I've been seeing for about two months has helped considerably with those areas. However, her "adjustments" and "therapies" haven't touched the painful wrist, except, possibly, to make it worse. I am apparently suffering from a fairly severe case of carpal tunnel syn-drome. For someone who spends as much time as I do at a computer, both at work and at home, this is a real drag.

I finally called my doctor -- who isn't a doctor at all, but a physician's assistant, because the two previous doctors I had at the health center where I go left, to be replaced by... not another doctor...a physician's assistant. (I tried to get switched to one of the two doctors remaining at the center, but both had too many patients already. Definitely a doctor shortage in beautiful, rural Maine.) -- anyway, I finally called my "primary health care provider," and asked for a referral to a physical therapist, for the wrist. That was a couple of weeks ago. When I went in this past Monday to have some blood work done I learned that nothing at all had been done about my request, which really ticked me off. The referrals lady was properly embarrassed by this negligence on their part, and scam-pered to make the necessary calls, so now I do at least have an appointment for next week, though first I have to have a test to deter-mine if I really do have carpal tunnel syndrome (having all the usual symptoms doesn't seem to suffice).

Dealing with constant pain, as all of you out there who have had to do so know, completely colors your outlook. It's distracting, when you're trying to do the things you need/ want to do -- indeed, it can prevent you from doing those things -- and trying to ignore it and "get on with your life" is physically and psychically draining.

And I have virtually no energy, to a large extent, no doubt, because of my current terrible eating habits, and I'm finding it difficult to force myself to do all those mundane things we all have to do -- like get up in the morning, cook, wash dishes, wash clothes, do my checkbook, get my snow tires removed (no, still haven't done that)...and write postings for my blog. My heart just isn't in it. My heart doesn't seem to be "in" much of anything just now, so to spare my readers endless negativity, I think I may take a little break from blogging for a while. Until "things" look up some.

Sometimes I can be dense...

You're always hearing about celebrities who have to go into rehab because of their addiction to pain killers. I used to think that was so weird. How could anybody be addicted to pain killers, at least anyone who hadn't been ill for a long time, during which time they'd been consuming large quantities of the things? In my naivete I believe I was thinking of products like Tylenol, or Excedrin. Or even if they were prescription drugs, I was assuming they were just more powerful versions of Tylenol or Excedrin.

But of course powerful pain medication, available by prescription only, often produces a feeling of euphoria, along with wiping out the pain. And duh, that's right, it didn't occur to me that the celebrity of the day was hooked on taking those little pills not because they alleviated his/her pain, but because of the high they provided. Which I suppose could be seen as a way of alleviating other kinds of pain. But the truth of the matter was revealed to me recently when I tried taking Tramadol, a pain killer prescribed by my doctor for the mysterious neck/shoulder/ right arm/wrist problems I've been having for the past few months. (And after my bout of snow shoveling this afternoon, on the heels of yet another snow storm, I have strong suspicions as to the source of those problems.)

Although I was forced to stop taking the Tramadol, because of an unacceptable side effect, the few times I did take it I experienced a not-unpleasant buzz, and a sudden ability to whisk around doing a bunch of things, when normally much of my productivity is a matter of mind over matter. I was reminded of the only other time I've experienced such sensations, back in the bad old days when I suffered so from painful menstrual periods, and was taking, for a while, a potent pain-killer whose name now escapes me. It provided such a pleasant high that I would actually look forward to the onset of the pain, because I knew that then I could take a pill, and everything would seem lovely (and the pain would disappear for a while). Eventually, I stopped taking that particular drug, because it ceased to be effective. But I do have fond memories...

Alas, fortunately or unfortunately, most drugs seem to produce such unacceptable side effects in me, that I must eschew the momentary high -- and the possibility of a fun time in rehab -- in exchange for a return to a normally functioning body, and good, old-fashioned pain.